DIY Microbiology

  Being able to identify the snot that ails one can at times be helpful.




  This is a good point to reveal a historical hoax; there are no sexually-transmitted diseases, though it doesn't prevent transmission. There are skin conditions and pink, moist tissue. The pamphlets, conversely, covered mostly-bacteria which required special imaging techniques; syphillis (treponema pallidum), most of which globally is spread through much more casual skin contact, is invisible under standard, backlit microscopy and can only be visualized with top-down lighting, for instance.

  Despite the direct connection of the optic nerve to brain tissue, we admire the habit of covering your cough and sneeze with your hand, shaking hands, and rubbing your eyes when you are tired - because people don't make up urban legends about eyeballs.




  The main thing one needs to do bacterial microbiology at home is capacity to create and maintain a sterile workspace - literally sterile. Additional equipment includes a pressure cooker, which is mostly just a pot with a very, very heavy lid to keep the steam under pressure and at a higher temperature, and possibly a microscope, which may take some glasswork if society has collapsed and we are all free.

  You will also want to review the jams, jellies, and soups selection of the food vault, since "a stiff broth jelly" is a traditional growth medium.

  The ability to create a fine mist spray is ideal, as this is used to create a clean air box. Upon sterilizing the sides of a box, perhaps with dilute iodine or sodium hypochlorite, for which a recipie is available within the general vaults, misting the air is used to use the fine droplets to physically knock suspended spores and bacterium from the air. One will also want some sort of petri dish - borosilicate is best, but anything that can be autoclaved in a pressure cooker has been used in a lab at some point - and a fine wire loop. An alcohol or terpene lamp may also be useful.

  With fresh agar or other gelled growth medium, sterile, one heats the tip of the wire loop in a flame, touches it to the location being microbiologically sampled once it is no longer red-hot, and streaks the growth medium with the wire. One then replaces the cover and waits for a microbiotic colony to grow.

  Bacterial colonies are categorized on macroscopic inspection by color, by opacity (transparent, translucent, opaque, iridescent?), by shape - convex, concave, rhizoid, filamentaceous, etc), by margination (smooth, irregular, etc), and isolated by resampling from one's cultivated collection until one has no contamination.

  Further identification can be made through correlating microscopic anatomy at the single-celled layer against colony characteristics. They may also be tested for reactivity to staining; in Gram staining, the dye crystal violet (gentian violet), which may be prepared by reacting formaldehyde with dimethylaniline and applying a light oxidizer until a pinkish-violet color occurs, tests for the presence of a peptidoglycan shell once the excess dye is washed out with ethanol. To this day, bacteria are categorized as gram-positive and gram-negative. Usually, a small amount of iodine is added as a mordant, or fixative, prior to the wash. Wayson staining is a specific technique to rapidly test for bubonic plague.

  Generally, however, gross colony morphology and microscopic examination combine to tell you what bacteriae is growing on your toilet seat or kitchen counters or nose, throat, urethra, or in that pus-filled boil you just lanced. Cultivate, categorize, image, and try to figure out at least genus, and probably species.

  One may wish to explore references beyond this simple introduction.

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