Down on the Farm with a Retained Placenta

  Some people are for abortion. Some people are against abortion. Frankly, we don't care, and hope you leave these pages with the same beliefs you had before you encountered them.

  However, one of the most important things in home birth is to check to see if the placental bag is intact, or if there are retained placental remnants adhering to the uterine wall.



  This is why everyone needs an abortion machine hidden somewhere around their house. The baby's already out, it's just a question of suctioning the placental chunks which would otherwise rot and kill the person who already gave birth with the necrotic infection.

  Note that, in several jurisdictions, not killing the mother is against the law. Removing anything from the uterus, including cancerous tumors and rotting placental bits after birth, has been criminalized. Naturally, we cannot advise you on whether or not to break the law; the choice of a pro-life position or not is yours, and we bear no responsibility.




  Construction of a vacum aspiration device requires only a few ingredients...

 • A jar, to catch the contents, with an airtight lid with the appropriate number of holes for the tubing.

 • Semi-stiff tubing, which does not collapse under gentle suction.

 • A small-gauge, sterile cannula or catheter.

 • Some form of generation of suction. A needleless syringe is commonly used, but you could ask your delinquent nephew what a "gravity bong" is.

  A few days are waited after birth to let the uterus finish contracting, and then the placental remnants are suctioned with the vacum aspiration device.

  If you leave them in there, you will die.

  If you found this page useful, please consider donating.

 • Back to the Historical Home Remedies Vault