Winnicott-Berne

  Psychologists fond of Karl Marx often extended his proposal of Alienation into a broader theory, that the absence of agency creates a disconnect between one's self and one's actions, one's creations, other people, and even one's self. When one's work is not an individualized handcraft born of a dream and teased lovingly into life but the dreamer, but someone else's mass production undertaken under duress, one does not have any particular connection to one's daily works, or even one's actions - one does not choose them.

  Psychologist Donald Winnicott, on the other hand, posited nonpsychotic psychological trouble as arising from the conflict between the true and false self, the person one actually is, and the degree of pretend required for survival and approval from early infancy, a casualty of highly-conditional love.


  Then there is Eric Berne.

  Psychoanalyst Eric Berne created two theories or techniques; script analysis and transactional analysis, the latter of which is thought to form the basis for the book and movie the Celestine Prophecy. He also created the notion of games in psychology, recurrent multiperson scenarios which gratify (albeit not always well) the participants in ways which are not always honestly disclosed, and wrote the book Games People Play to cover some of the more common ones.

  Script analysis posits that people create stories about their life, and their role in it, in very, very, very early childhood, usually the first six months or so. What is success? Is it being simply happy? Is it doing what one loves? Is it being piggishly wealthy with lavish displays of one's status which are for others, rather than one's self? Is it being in service to the people around one? What is love? Is it two people locking themselves in a box together for the rest of their life? Is it a community? Is it the company of a dog or cat? Is it something else? What is one's role in life? Is it to be a winner? A loser? A recurrent domestic abuse victim, knowing the single common factor of all one's failed relationships is you and your choices?

  And so on. Very, very early infancy.

  In reality, all you need to survive is a good raincoat, enough layers to adjust for temperature, and the knowledge that every part of a dandelion is edible; the public library has a drinking fountain. You will probably be perfectly fine no matter what you do, and if not, simply punching a police officer in the face will get you a free apartment and meals provided.

  Everything else is a choice we make, and a story we told ourselves when we were a baby.

  Those stories are optional, and scripts can be changed. Examine what you value. Examine what you expect. Examine your hopes, your dreams, and your shoulds - and your repeating patterns, such as only gravitating towards really, really bad romantic partners or even having romantic partners at all, or starting projects and leaving them half-finished. Ask yourself if this is real. Ask yourself if this is really you. Ask yourself if this is what you want.

  What are your values? Do you feel good in the life you think you 'should' perform?

  Even if you try, you cannot, actually, be loved for who you are not. Perhaps you should instead discover who you are.


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